Childhood memories / "Be who you are, not who they define you as."

As years passes, things changes as well. When I was really young, I lived with my maternal grandparents and my mum. My dad will visit us everyday after his work. My favorite memory with my maternal grandpa was that every morning, he will definitely bring me down to walk walk. & yes, at that time, I love mimosa a lot. (Haha. Now I love them too) & as I was young, I just translate "害羞草" to "Shy grass" & "鳕鱼" to "Blood fish". At that time, I was really close to my grandparents until th extent when my grandfather is going to work, I will start crying non stop. Terrible. I love my grandparents. I love to see their smile because it simply makes my day. Apparently, I love everyone that actually loves me deeply. Up till now, even though I never live with my grandparents anymore, but I will still visit them once a week. & I told myself. I must study hard to give both my maternal & paternal grandparents a good life because they really took good care of me when I was young. My paternal grandma never fails to cook my broccoli dish everytime I visit her on sunday. & sometimes, she will cook my favorite soup too! Watercress soup. & paternal grandpa said that when I start working, I should really take good care of my paternal grandma as she never fails to cook my favorite dish. I said, I will. No worries. When I was in kindergarten, I can't wait to go home & I can't wait to go to school because at that time, everything was really peaceful & happy. But as years passes, I realized, life ain't that easy as what I thought when I was young. Slowly slowly, it starts to be really realistic. Everyone judges. I admit. I do judge too. I judge myself as well. Yes, I'm fat. Yes, I'm short. Yes, I'm lousy. Yes, I'm lazy. Yes, I'm everything bad you can name it. But well, what matters ain't what others think about you, is what you think about yourself. If you ain't confident about yourself, what makes you think others will be confident in you? Therefore, even if others think that we're fat, short, lousy, lazy / whatever they can name it, what's more important is how we look at ourselves. It's okay if no one love us. Th main thing is that we got to love ourselves. Be who you are, not who they define you as.

14th October 2012, 2:20PM, rainy day.

N's finally over.

Phew. N's over. So I should be happy yeah? YAYYYYYY. Alright. I do not really have any much confidence in my papers though. Whether the results will be good or not, I can't control anymore. It's within my control. I mean, I did study, or should I say, I never really study hard? I really don't know. But the feeling sucks. My only wish now is to be able to come back & take my o's next year. That's my only wish now. Whether or not, I can't do anything anymore. Obviously not forgetting my o's mother tongue yeah. I just hope to at least get an 'A' fr my Chinese. I'm gonna work hard to strive fr that result.

Ever had this feeling? That feeling of being scared that you would actually disappoint your parents. I have it. I mean, it's like, it's every child's wish to actually make their parents proud. I really wish I can too. They have done too many things fr me alr. They tried their best to get whatever I want. I really appreciate it. I'm really scared of disappointing them. That feeling when you see your parents being real disappointed in you sucks, especially on their face. It hurts you even more.

Sometimes, I really don't know why am I like raising my voice @ my mum fr no reason. Sometimes, I'm really stress & tired & when she starts nagging, I start to lose my temper & basically, that sucks. She don't deserve this treatment from me. But sometimes, I'm really stress, having headaches, sigh. It's really tiring. Yes, it might be th end of N's, but I can't slack at this moment. Even if I might not be able to make it back for sec 5, I should still study to keep my brain working. Yes, I know we have to relax, but in a sense that I will be going back training during th holidays, & this can be the form of rest for me. I'm trying my best, really trying my best. Th outcome. I just can't predict. So, I'm counting on you, god?